Debt, Mama said knock you out!
Okay, maybe in 1990 LL Cool J‘s mama wasn’t talking about knocking out debt but it doesn’t mean that mama didn’t have good advice. 27 years later… wow, let that sink in… Anyway, I’m more interested in a Debt SINK Battle these days #dadjoke and you’re here because you want to learn How to Destroy Debt, well my child, step in to the ring and take the kid gloves off.
If you’re like me, the weirdo playing it cool “average American”, you have debt up to your mouth guard and it’s not even a comeback because it’s “been here for years.”
2016 Average Debts
|Total owed by average U.S. household carrying this type of debt|
|Any type of debt||$137,063|
Open Your Eyes!
It’s really a bit eye opening really but it also might make you feel a little better to be surrounded by all the other idiots that use credit to keep up with LL and Rocky. Don’t. Don’t feel better, don’t settle, DID ROCKY SETTLE? Hell no.
You probably won’t get some sweet ass lump sump angel investor windfall style uppercut to your mortgage and the other, non-mortgage, debts of the average U.S. household are staggering enough to make the referee start a 10 count. Keep those eyes open and on the prize. Are you mad I called you an idiot? Don’t worry, it takes one to know one… and if I learned anything from my childhood it’s that “knowing is half the battle.”
So get mad, take that anger, that frustration, and those open eyes and sort your shit out. Stop buying 12 dollar cups of coffee, bring your breakfast and/or lunch to work, don ‘t go out to eat. That last sentence was me talking to myself as well. IT REALLY WORKS!
Destroy Debt: 1, 2 Punch
Requirements: Have a way to monitor your finances, I personally recommend using either Mint or Personal Capital, I happen to use both and I don’t get paid to say that (but man that’d be nice!). If you don’t want/like those, then just have a way to track your purchases.
The PRIDE wants you to do the following for the next two weeks, maybe Join the Pride first and get extra tips, tricks, and slabs of debt relief beef goodiness (no actual beef will be emailed).
Step One: Be You
- Pay all the minimums on everything, that’s right, stop paying extra on all the things
- Write down/catalog what you spend on food, snacks, and drinks while at work and only at work.
- Everything, a bag of chips, a soda (it’s NOT POP), your morning coffee, EVERYTHING
- Take the last weekend to plan out your work meals (2 meals, all your drinks and snacks) and go shopping for all the things
- Keep track of the cost of this and “budget” enough food to cover your next two weeks of work.
- That’s it, just be thorough and exact.
Step Two: Be Better
- Continue to pay all the minimums on everything, that’s right, DO AS THE PRIDE COMMANDS!
- Don’t buy a single thing from, to, or during work to go into your debt filled face hole
- Bring your caffeine in a mug of some sort
- Other drinks are to be brought from home only
- You’re bringing your food that you prepared yourself
- EAT WHAT YOU HAVE PREPARED
- DRINK WHAT YOU HAVE PREPARED
- SNACK ON WHAT YOU HAVE PREPARED
- DO NOTHING ELSE, YOU ARE A LION.
- Repeat with me: “I will learn how to destroy debt”
Step Three: Profit?
- Compare the first two weeks of spending to the cost of grocery shopping of the second two weeks.
- Unless you bought crab legs every day you should probably be on the up side
- You should actually be a little healthier
- Now look at your bank account
- OH MAN I GOT YOU SO GOOD!
- Use some of that to by the next set of groceries and then either
- Save the balance for emergencies if you don’t have 3-6 months of pay saved up,
- Apply the remainder to your highest interest rate card OR
- If you need a “win” after killing yourself on this diet, then apply the payment to the lowest balance card
Personally, I think I’m a mother effin’ Lion, I’m not gonna go for the little birdy sitting on the giraffe’s ass, I’m going for the that spotted asshole of a giraffe that has cost me way too much this time with his long APR and it’s shitty balance. *BREATH* But, I digress… NOT. Kill that damn giraffe, you know you want to.
If you’ve made it this far through training, congrats, you’ve learned one of the major principles of How to Destroy Debt; be aware of what is going on at all times.
Destroy Debt: A Recap
For those of you that have a hard time tracking or following a regimen, none of this will be easy for you. At first. It gets easier when you see the effects of your actions but remember that it took time to rack up the debt.
- It takes time to change your spending habits
- Making a budget takes time as well
- Grocery shopping can save you money
- Preparing food makes you PRIDEFUL of what you eat, “LOOK MA, I CAN COOK!”
- It’ll take determination to not cave on anything
The Pride craves success and you have to have a stake in yourself so you don’t stake yourself. Together, we can do it. ~Mufasa, probably.